No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
