My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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