the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize