Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
