Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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