When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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