I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
