He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
