You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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