I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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