I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
