i just made my gag reflex go away.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
