WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
