I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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