If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
