pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
