Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
do herpes really smell.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
