I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
