you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
