I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
