I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
