SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
