I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
