38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
