All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
