i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
