dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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