The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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