My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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