i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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