How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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