even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
