i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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