Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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