tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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