I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
