just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
