I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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