I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize