this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
