Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
