Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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