Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My balls are so social today.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
