id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
