Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize