my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
