Cold hands, warm shart.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
