Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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