I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
