I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
