the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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