just come out here and I will go home with you...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
