why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just found puke in my bra..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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