you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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