My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
