Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
