you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize