I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
