i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
