I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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