She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
