Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
