$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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