btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
