just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
