I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
