What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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