I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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