I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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